Thinking of ending it all?

So I’ve finally gotten round to sharing part 2 of the story (You’ll know what I’m on about from the picture)

crash

**If you’ve not read part one the CLICK HERE to read it because the story will not make sense otherwise**

I drove towards the lorry headlights,

I was doing about 60/65mph,

My phone was ringing.

It was Connie and I had ignored her first 3 calls.

I already told her I wasn’t coming back and that I loved her so I saw no reason to pick up the phone.

But for some reason I did.

The conversation went like this…

*Side note* the call was longer and with more emotion but I’ve edited it right down so you only get the most important bits (I know you’re busy and your time is valuable).

Me: Hello.

Connie: Hello.

Me: Silence.

Connie: Silence.

Me: Silence.

Connie: Silence.

Me: Hang on let me pull over.

Connie: K.

Me: Ok I’ve pulled over.

Connie: What’s the matter?

Me: In short, I’m a failure, I’ve failed you, I’ve failed my clients and there’s not really much point me being here anymore, you’ll all be better off without me.

Connie: That’s not true.

Me: Silence (thinking).

Connie: Why don’t you come home so we can talk about it.

Me: There’s no point.

Connie: Why do you think there’s no point in coming home to talk about it?

Me: Like I said, you’re better off without me.

Connie: That’s not true.

Me: Yes it is.

Connie: No it’s not. Come on come home, please.

Me: mmmm

Connie: Please.

Me: But I feel like such a failure.

Connie: Why?

Me: Because I see lots of other men doing a lot better than me. I see men who are happier than me and I see men who know who they are and what they want out of life. I see men who are all really successful and have a HUGE following and get lots of ‘likes’ from others for what they do and I have none of what they have.

Connie: But you’re not them, are you?

Me: No.

Connie: Exactly, you need to remember who YOU are and you need to stop comparing yourself to others and to stop trying to be like everyone else.

Me: Really?

Connie: Er yeah, comparison is the thief of all joy right?!

Me: I guess you’re right.

Connie: I’m always right. Listen, I love you, Jude loves you, and we love you for who you are. Come home and let’s talk.

Me: OK.

That conversation saved my life.

When I got home, after lots of cuddles, tears and hours talking on the sofa, Connie completely eliminated my depression and anxiety in one sentence…

Here’s that sentence:

‘’Stop comparing yourself to other people and stop trying to be like everyone else and instead,

Just. Be. You’’.

And that was it.

As soon as Connie said those last 3 words it felt like the whole universe had just been lifted off my shoulders and all the shackles in the world had just been unchained from my feet.

I’d never felt so free before!.

However,

Being me, and actually being happy being me.

Was easier said than done.

‘Know thyself’ someone once said.

That phrase (or quote) sums up this (my) story perfectly.

Because before I could BE myself,

First I had to KNOW myself.

So I went on a mission,

A mission to find out who THE REAL MATT SMITH WAS OR IS.

And finally,

After spending hours trying to figure it out on my own,

Investing ££££ and time on coaches.

Finally……

I know who I am at a core level.

I know what turns me on.

I know what excites me.

I know what environments I thrive in.

I know where my passion lies and I’m also sure of my purpose here on this planet.

The best bit?

Based on my introspection over the last 16 months,

I know I’m going to spend a good amount of my life just doing the following things:

1: The things I enjoy.

2: The things I’m good at.

3: The things that help other men who are where I was and who want to be where I am.

Here’s an even better bit…..

I’m building out my business so that I do all of the above (things I enjoy, things I’m good at and helping people) while still BEING ME and NOT trying to be something I’m not!!

And if anyone doesn’t like that then we’re just not a good fit for each other and I’m cool with that too.

Another point to mention here was my self-worth,

I’d let that hit rock bottom,

But not intentionally.

You see I’m actually quite a nice person deep down,

And that was my greatest strength and biggest weakness.

How?

Because I would quite often (most of the time) help and coach others for free.

This constant helping others for free played a huge part in my belief – people don’t value what I do and therefore I am worthless.

‘So what’s the point’.

And if I wanted to be happy again,

To build my business again,

To be surrounded by awesome people again,

I had to up my level of self-worth,

To do that I had to reduce the amount of my time that I gave away for free.

Like I said, I still help people for free (I have various free Facebook groups that I share my wisdom in, I send out regular emails to 5 different email lists, I post on social media, I talk to people in private messages and I’ll often jump on a call (most of the time at the drop of a hat) with anyone who desperately needs my help.

However what I won’t do now, is coach people through their problems for free.

Coaching people for free not only does me a disservice but it also does the person I’m coaching a disservice because by helping for free I’m labelling them as worthless by not allowing them to invest in themselves. (Remember that the next time you try and get free advice off someone).

So with that said,

If you compare today to 16 months ago,

I’m a completely different person.

And I cannot wait for the rest of my life.

In fact, screw it,

Why wait?!

Today is the first day of the rest of my life and I’m going to live it like it’s my last!

Thank you for reading my story.

If you think it may help someone who’s going through a tough time right now please feel free to hit the share or tag them in the comments below.

Matt x

Ps if this has resonated with you then feel free to reach out and message me and we’ll have a chat about how I can help you out of your darkness and get you into the light (god that sounded really cheesy didn’t it!?

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